“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Where forgiveness is a one-way choice, reconciliation is definitely a two-way choice. Reconciliation is about restoring the relationship and about restoring trust.
But forgiving first is an important step in reconciliation.
Compare the following two options:
1. Simon is angry with John for letting him down at an important moment. Simon made this quite clear to John, but John didn’t respond. Simon gets angry and resentful. When John visits Simon a few weeks later, they have a long and complicated conversation.
2. Simon is angry with John for letting him down at an important moment. Simon made this quite clear to John but John didn’t respond. Simon is disappointed, but he tries not to let resentfulness enter his heart. He gives it to God and forgives John. When John visits Simon a few weeks later, he is warmly welcomed. Surprised by so much kindness, John almost automatically begins to apologize for what happened. A pleasant evening follows.
Sometimes there is no reconciliation. There can be many reasons for this, some of which are beyond your control. Sometimes the relationship is too damaged, even though you have forgiven the other person. In that case, it may be better to distance yourself. Remain vigilant, however. The devil is likely to try to pull you back into bad feelings. When bitterness or resentment arises, always give it to God.
What does this example show? God wants to help you to always respond out of His love.